Pie a week: part 3

Gosh I'm lazy!
Two (!) weekends ago I went home to Marbletown to pick pumpkins and bake pies with my family. Bliss. The pie this week was found on my biffle Martha Stewart's website. (haters to the left!!) Considering Martha's caliber I was surprised to find so many things wrong with this recipe. I mean we all make mistakes, but if they are noticeable enough for this little robot to pick up on then maybe you need to take a look at yourself in the mirror Martha. Come on, you're better than this. Moving on!
The Pear-Cranberry pie with Faux Lattice:
First off, the crust was a pate brisee, which is a very basic crust recipe. however, it called for 18 tablespoons of butter. Shmoops had the kitchen well stocked for me, as always, but did not assume that i would need more than 2 stick of butter. which i really shouldn't have, someone fell asleep at the test kitchen. So instead of mixing "real" butter with "fake" butter (she has various tubs of the vegan butter; equally good but the thought of mixing made me nervous) I used what we had, which was a still staggering two sticks. in they went! and a very nice crust came out. Mark your recipes friends.
Next came the filling, which is always pretty much the same. cut fruit, throw in bowl, brown sugar, cornstarch etc etc. But again I found a glitch in the recipe. it called for 24oz of cranberries. oooookay. That was just bananas. the top crust wouldn't have fit over the heaping mound of cranberries. The pears would get none of the attention they so respectfully deserve! nuh-uh. not on my watch Miz Stewart. I still put in about 18oz, and it was more of a Cranberry-Pear pie if you know what I mean. (see what i did there?!)
It took about 100 minutes to cook, so at 11:45 pm, after I woke up my patient and hungry parents, it was ready. Shmoops- loved it. Dan- will eat anything. Sunny Robot- less than thrilled. I liked the crust! but the cranberry was just too much, man. the vague hint of pear was nice, soft and sweet surprises speckled through a sea of tart berries.

In conclusion, trial and error my dear readers. carry a pencil at all times and revise, revise, revise. Good luck out there, don't believe everything you read.

Pie a week Part 1

(the warm glow of the fridge at night)

sorry for the backwards post, clearly I have been out of the loop for far too long.
My first installment for the PAW(awwwww!) project was a key lime meringue pie. and it did not come easily for me....
I wanted to make a key lime pie, Jamie wanted a key lime meringue pie. Trying to be accommodating I agreed to the slight alteration and went shopping. First obstacle, not only could I not find key limes, they were also about twice as much as "regular" limes(upon some investigation), and I would have to buy twice as many because they are so damn small. The biggest difference is that they are a bit sweeter than other limes, and since i was topping the pie with a meringue (the epitome of sweet) I decided it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.
The crust was a graham cracker crust, which is so amazing I want all pie crusts to be graham cracker crusts. melt butter. crush crackers. DONE. <3333333
The two components of the pie, the lime filling and the meringue were not problems themselves. It was marrying the two of them that nearly caused me to have a stroke.
You see, the filling is made with eggs, and they have to be cooked so you aren't consuming 8 raw eggs and suing your dear baker (that's me). but also, the meringue has to be baked so the top sets and has that nice burnt affect (oh yea, and also to cook the egg whites. however there is a disclaimer on the recipe that the whites might not be cooked entirely, so eat with caution. but it is only 3 whites and come on, live a little!) So since i had a recipe for lemon meringue pie and Key lime pie, I had to do some adjustments and here is where my world collapsed. What i should have done was searched for a recipe for lime meringue pie. i should have made it simple and just replaced the limes with the lemon in the lemon meringue pie. boom, done. but i made things about 5,000 time more complicated. and that was fun(ish). and actually, it was not complicated at all, I just worried about it so much and convinced myself i had just added 2 hours of work onto my project, when really? I just needed to chill out, and tweak out the recipe on my own. (which i notoriously hate doing)
I baked the pie for 18 minutes (it called for 22), then i dolloped the meringue on the top and cooked for an additional 12 minutes. now the filling had cooked completely to avoid a dreadful case of salmonella, and the meringue looked awesome. yea, i said it....i looked awesome.

pie a week part 2

Gosh, this project is getting exciting! and by exciting i mean, if i keep ruining each pie I make it will make for some great reading. up this week, Ginger Buttermilk Pie!
Saturday i spent the day watching LOST and eating potato chips. I mean the entire day. Which was amazing and exactly what i needed, but when evening rolled around and it was time to begin baking a pie, i did not want to ruin my shut-in streak by going outside for any ingredients. and it was gross out....i think? So i pulled my cookbooks onto my bed and started leafing through the pages; colorful fruit pies were out- no fruit. creamy chocolate pies were out- no chocolate...or cream for that matter. Then one jumped into my path that i could not take my eyes off, perhaps for the sole reason it made no sense to me. Ginger Buttermilk. Ginger BUTTERMILK?! I went down the list of ingredients, and started checking them off if they already resided in my pantry. All of them did, and so i began.
the first and hardest step is always the crust. I love making pies, and have great fun making homemade crust, but as I was making this one I forgot why. Entirely. it was silly, just plain silly. Canola oil and not enough flour and milk and come ON! it just didn't make sense....it didn't feel right. but i pushed on, continuing my ongoing quest to find the perfect pie crust.
As i rolled it out i cursed a bit and then made up with some some sweet talking, but it was tearing and I found that the amount of flour i used on the rolling pin and counter should have been added in the recipe to make it more manageable. So i made a little note and kept on truckin'. it was barely the size of the pie pin, so i did some patchwork and figured it was going to be on the bottom of the pie, who the hell cares?? no one! that's who. So I popped it in the oven with some cookie cutters acting as pie weights and began the filling.
The filling was easy as pie (that never gets old). all the ingredients into a blender (eggs, ginger, buttermilk, cinnamon, salt) and mixed until it well blended but not foamy. It looked fantastic and creamy and thick and i had high hopes indeed. I poured it into the baked crust and took a break for one moment to get a drink.i turn my back for ONE second and when i come back half of the custard had leaked onto the counter. ok. OKOKOKOK. apparently there was a small tear in the bottom of the crust. rats.
the problem: my pie tins have holes on the bottom, to help with proper heat distribution.
the (weak) rationale: it will cook so quickly it wont' leak! and i will put it on baking sheet to catch any excess! (HAHAHAHAHA)

needless to say, i put it on a baking sheet, threw it in the oven and started worrying. (oh and i burnt my thumb when taking off the cookie cutter/pie weights so i was grumpy about that already!) The pie was supposed to stay in for 22 minutes, and by minute 8 it looked like this:

and. that, my dear friends, is when i gave up the little hope i had. Pie a week Project part 2? FAIL.
xo-TSR

*sidenote: once it came out of the oven i ate a bit of the guts, and it was very good. Weightless, with just a hint of ginger, a lovely custard I would like to try again. The crust though? the quest continues.

and then there was one

DAY LEFT!
of school.

how the hell that happened i can't quite say. Since i took weekend classes, between work and school it never seemed to stop, which I think contributes the feeling of everything flying by. In January I started Mod 1 at ICE with 13 other people. This Saturday I will be finishing Mod 4 with 11 others. A pretty successful graduating number, I think. Although I have an internship to complete before I get the gold-plated diploma, this saturday I will be celebrating my and the other students accomplishments. We did it baby!


I am so proud of all us who pulled together and worked as a close knit team. We were able to work flawlessly without much conversation, moving smoothly throughout the kitchen and trusting the others judgments and movements. However, gossiping at the sink while doing dishes, trips to Starbucks on a 12 minute lunch break, locker room chaos and an underlying feeling of camaraderie is what made the past 8 months tolerable, dare i say, a hell of a lot of fun.


Although I am very excited for a brief break from an unending 9-5 schedule (the internship will have me back on my feet at all hours of the night) I will miss school very much. Hungover mornings, dirty jackets, even dirtier dishes and disasters (how the hell did green spots end up in the cheesecake?!) aside, I truly made like-minded and generous friends. Friends who understand the pressure of changing careers, changing a life one has built. Friends who understand the true appeal of dive bars: we all have those pesky student loans. Friends who blankly stare at you while you are repeatedly dipping your sleeve in a bowl of melted chocolate, in awe at the mere sight of such a mess. I wish the absolute best of luck to them all, and I hope we can reunite in a year, in the same old bars, but telling new stories. Because we are constantly learning, constantly getting better at what we love to do. From that first day in January, to now, to our internships, to our new workplaces, we will always be improving. And then someday we will be old and gray, our knees will have buckled under the pressure of a lifetime in a kitchen, and I'll get a random email asking "hey remember when we used the bread hooks to pretend we had hooks for hands? Like Buster from Arrested Development!? you think chef ever saw that?" And I will respond, "yes, yes i do remember. and yes, they definitely saw that".

Dark Chocolate, Gotham City

I am swiftly approaching the end of my time in culinary school, and as the classes wind down we are taking on some very exciting projects. Dedicated to chocolates and cake decorating, mod 4 is all about you, dear student. Gone are the days of being terrified which partner you will be paired with, as this decision set the tone for the whole day. now we are working on individual projects, letting the creative juices flow, relying only on oneself to git 'er done. The first major project of mod 4 was a chocolate sculpture. Our class decided on the theme "cities" broad enough so that if someone really wanted to do a pirate theme, it could be arranged. and it was!
This little robot chose the most bad ass city of them all....GOTHAM.
The first step was to make a sketch, to show the chef you had a vague idea, and for him to be able to scale the ambition down a notch or two. ("the Batmobile might be a bit trickier than you think, Michelle") Once we got a practical sketch drawn, we had to make stencils for the buildings. The idea being, after you have tempered your chocolate, pour the chocolate onto an acetate covered surface, let it set, lay the stencils on the chocolate, and cut around.
I will now take you on a step by step journey, through time & space, chocolate stains, and a lot of fun:
my work station. ANTM and a glass of wine provided true inspiration.

laying down the tempered chocolate:

the buildings: Wayne Tower, the clocktower, and Arkham Asylum

the makeshift sugar mold for the Batman sign:

all the little details (thanks Nissa for help with the bat!)

it stands! everything you see here is held together by chocolate. an amazing thing. this stood 25" tall. It was the second tallest sculpture, because of course Sam had to one up me. (I'll get you, girl)

proud mama,


xo-TSR

it's been over a month since my last post. rats! i thought I had reached a solid writing/updating schedule, but apparently i was wrong. it's not for a lack of events, i went to Nathan's hot dog eating contest, Phoenix, made a chocolate sculpture of Gotham city, and sealed the deal on my internship. one of the most glaring reasons is that (shocker shocker) my computer is not working; but that is only a temporary(fingers crossed!) delay. I have not been doing much baking in my apartment, due to the fact that the lord god remembered what month it is and turned up the temperatures. which is great! but only makes me want to sit in my underwear and eat cereal, not bake a blueberry pie. you know how these things work. there's never enough hours in the day,you tell yourself, but what it really comes down to is not having anything worthwhile to say. what could i possibly say about baking/eating cupcakes that you don't already know? I guess what i am saying is, I am feeling a bit intimidated by all the interwebs, and all the information they have to offer. i feel the only way to write an original piece is by making it fictional; less observation, more making shit up. but I'm not very strong in that department, either. Tonight I am taking a food writing class and hopefully that will spark my imagination and reaffirm my interest in writing and baking and everything that comes with it. However, it might not. I might take endless notes and leave with such excitement, but by the time i get home i will only be able to think about sleeping, or eating cereal in my underwear....it seems so fleeting, these moments of creativity and thought.
well, this is my sorry excuse for an apology, much like this one. i really want to keep doing this! i just need a kick in the pants, or money to buy ingredients, or a day off. who knows!
Love you all, and i swear next time i update it will be about food! no more of this sorry my self shit.
xoxo-TSR

So you don't have to: Burger King Bonanza

Stuffin my face.

It's the moment you've all been waiting for. Have those Burger King chips been sitting in your pantry, as you've been (im)patiently waiting for me to give you the go ahead? Well wait no more, I can safely tell you.....stay away. stay far, far away. Let's dive in!
The first time I encountered the chips, whose flavor was simply "Flame Broiled" was at a Blockbuster in March. Immediately intrigued, I purchased the chips, along with whichever LOST disc I was up to at the time. I bought them for sake of writing, for my loyal readers. I was going to review the chips and impart my criticism to the masses. Then I chickened out. They stayed in my pantry until they expired. and considering how many preservatives are in these, they must have lived at Blockbuster, with no one to claim them, for a very long time.
But I was determined,so I bought some more, and was gifted a bag of the Burger King Onion Ring chips, for my birthday.Oh, it was on.
LET THE GREAT EXPERIMENT BEGIN!
Have it your way.

There's no good way to have these.

Not dead yet!

Sunny Robot Approved!

Now, for part 2, the "onion rings"

Nuff said.
My analysis is this: The flame broiled chips were tolerable because, well most importantly, I have really low standards for junk food. I'll eat allllmost anything. It had the texture of of a Frito, and tasted lightly of BBQ sauce and a splash of pepper, so i could have easily eaten more, if not all. But i would have felt terrible about it. Perhaps it's the Monosodium Glutamate talking. (MSG!)
The onion rings on the other hand, I couldn't even deal with. Let me just get this off my chest....I don't like Funyons!! Phew, that feels good.Anyway, these tasted like funyons that had been heavily garlic-ed. So.....gross.

To help you understand how much i like junk food, and how bad these onion rings were, when I asked Jamie if he would like some, he answered promptly: "If you can't eat them, nobody should."