what i learned from coney island

(photo courtesy of kristen fraley)

this evening my friends are going to coney island. and i am listening to david bowie, in my pajamas, sprawled on my bed. with my marvel gummi vitamins to my right and a cinderblock wall to my left ( no i can't let it go).....i write to you. there are a few reasons i am not with them, on perhaps the last visit to coney island, not only of the season, but forever. next year they will be turning the historic, charming, magically trashy place into one big dave and f***ing busters. good luck you goddamn sell outs.
anyway.
reasons include but are not limited to:
lack of funds due to Labor day Madness with friends, beers and eclairs
lack of sleep....(see the above mentioned)
the 4 hour round trip on the subway....on a work night! for heaven's sake! heh.
so i send my best representatives, kristen, anthony, sam, and new friends from out of town and the like. they are told to report back to me with every detail of how my beloved beach is holding up. and to give my regards to this guy:

oh, how i love you, my cuddly cloverfield monster.
and now, may i present you with the top 5 things i learned from Coney Island and the people there.
1) don't go in the water.
(self explanatory, yes?)

2) where sleeves, or better yet, chain link.
the first time i went to coney island was a mass migration that started at the brooklyn bridge, and ended on the sandy and infected shores of Coney Island. It was for the giant party, One Night of Fire, an event put on by the Danger. This was to get all those in the NYC area who love/are fascinated by/miss Burning Man, too damn much to wait for the festival to begin a few months later. the theme was "White" so i wore a thin white nightgown, and Jamie wore a dentist shirt and scrubs. it was weird. obviously.
anyway, we started on the brooklyn bridge, drums banging, children walking on stilts, flasks being passed around and spirits very VERY high. by the end of the evening we were sitting in the sand at Coney Island, fire dancers, breathers, and lovers lighting the night sky. i was on a bench sitting next to a girl....making conversation, when all of a sudden CHOMP!
she bit my arm. jamie says "let's go eh?" or something to that effect....and that was the evening i learned the term "E-tard". that bitch bit my arm. it was cool though.....

3) The "freaks" are the least of your worries.
ahhh the freak show. i have never attended, formally, but rumor has it is exactly what it sounds like, and just how we all picture it. bearded ladies? most likely. that dude who can stretch his bottom lip over his knees? absofuckinlutely. i always figured the sight of the aforementioned "attraction" would upset me, or more so the reactions of the crown to them. so i walked by.....but you know where you're NOT safe? the beach. for my birthday, my best friends all came together to sit on coney island with me, listen to my endless Cloverfield stories, and drink Sprite-itos. (Sprite and mojito mix, obviously) so we were all sitting in a circle on the shore, taking in sun, doing all of the above activities when I am told (by who? i'm not sure i try to block this out when not blogging) "Do not look up. eyes on the ground Michelle" well OBVIOUSLY i look up and see....a....HUGE ALBINO PYTHON!! tears welled up in my eyes, and i whisper, "please make sure it doesn't come near me". whether it be because it was my 23rd birthday, or because these kids really do like me and didn't want to see a severe panic attack, they made sure the bald man and the white/yellow creature didn't come near me. i would take that dude with the crazy bottom lip ANY day.

4)Do NOT buy a beer from Nathan's Hot Dog Stand. EVER.
We made the trek to Siren Fest. something i had been told and sucessfully convinced i would never do. phrases like "hipster-fest", "heat exhaustion" and "the worst weekend of my life" spring to mind. However, the Islands were playing....need i say more. standing in the relentless heat, it was "my turn" to get beers. and i kept seeing these massive cups from Nathan's Hot Dog Stand, that i could only imaine were filled with frosty Miller Lites.
So, i take the hit for the team. "BRB!" i yell into the crowd at my sweltering and increasingly sober friends.
right. i was so not RB i can't even express it in words.
oh wait, yea i can. it took one hour and 3 minutes for me to stand on line, watch the huge paper cups being filled with 92% foam (i wish to god i was kidding), and eventually get yelled at, because i didn't have the guts to tell everyone behind me that i was the only honest goddamn person in that whole line and i wasn't cutting!!!!!!!!
phew. anyway. i left. i was next in line. and i kept telling myself don't give up, but the foam wasn't appealing, i was bored/lonely and had missed an entire set. so there i was. at the register. and i leave. i plum walk out. and make my way to a bodega, buy 6 24oz cans, get little paper bags for each, some straws( yea i said straws! i was pissed) and started drinking. i didn't even meet my friends at the show. i found an empty table and had THEM come to ME. i was fed up. so, yea, go to the bodega, is all i'm saying.
and the Islands rocked my brains out.

5)Yes. the Cyclone is worth it. The whole place is.
I still have my ticket. you can walk around, and feel comfortable, because there is no way on earth people are looking at you because of how you look, how much you have had to drink, or how ridiculous you look with a inflatable dolphin named Spiderman. Because there are no freaks on Coney Island.

(Spiderman and I)