sitting at work.
sipping diet coke and slowly unwrapping chocolates from their pink wrappers.

it's 428 on a friday, and this is ringing through me head:

"Its another year for me and you
Another year with nothing to do
Last year I was 21 I didnt have a lot of fun
And now Im gonna be 22 I say oh my and a boo-hoo"

certainly sounds about right.
long live the king.

I just watched the Westminster dog show. and i'm not going to lie, a few tears trickled down this weather-worn face. I truly love that beagle, Uno. and he seemed to KNOW when his name was called. a little hop and a look to his pops and he was thrilled. so was i. so was whoever saw me on the surveillance camera and saw me cry at work, by myself, watching the dog show. fucking reality television if i've ever heard the term.

Jamie called last night, confused as to what day it was here, and making sure i hadn't opened my valentine's present a day (or two) early. and i haven't. but by the grace of god.

Now gulping down some piping hot coffee I attempt to keep my eyelids open for the next 3 hours. From the looks of a co worker, who just came in dripping with rain, the weather has not made a drastic turn and sunlight is still far away in the future. No matter, my mother is at the library and after work she is going to pick me up. We are going to the thriftique to buy vintage jewlery and bags, and then to Target. I need a scale. Possibly a terrible idea, but it is essential in my quest for the sun. And what the hell, I haven't been to Target in awhile, and needless spending is due. (Red sweater for tomorrow? Sneakers to run around town with? pencils and cake mix and feather dusters? why not?!)

In other news, it is burrito night, mom brought my favorite jamaican beer, and i think i'm doing alright.






p.s. how romantic:

"If she weren't writing in blood
She'd bring him her jokes
A new liver
And a shovel for the mud
If he were not knee-deep in mud
He'd bring her his drugs
He'd get her a typewriter"

this season of the gauntlet is pretty terrible.

godDAMN it.
the vending machine man just haaaaaaad to put chocolate donuts in the vending machine.
and here i am eating grapes. i'm being sabotaged and i do NOT appreciate it.

well, my mother is coming today, to make sure i eat a dinner that consists of more than a low ball of whiskey. pizza night tonight; it's good to have things to look forward to.









YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
sick.

bandits

one false move like a new desktop background can be deadly.
it's too windy in this apartment. i think the walls are breaking and soon i'll be on the roof, in my bed, in his pajamas and all my belongings will swirl around me in the wind.
and then i won't be able to reach them.

tonight was much worse than i thought, but i called courtney and she brought me back and made it better. phew. we laughed!

but i'm lonely.

all i can say is,
i feel more like me when you are there than when i am alone.